It’s slim pickins’ for those looking for a scary movie leading up to Halloween weekend. The brave will venture to Paranormal Activity 3, the rest must choose between a horrific-looking 3D rendering of an old classic or a limp British comedy.
Paranormal Activity 3
When Paranormal Activity was released in 2007, it was a breath of fresh air. Like The Blair Witch Project, it was an amateur auteur’s directorial debut and the film’s raw and simplistic approach made it even more creepy. Employing unknown actors and a home video-shooting style, the movie showed a couple who had just moved into their house being stalked by a demon. The subsequent films have moved on from the original creator and director Oren Peli, and have attained a slightly higher gloss, with more obvious freak out moments. (The trailer shows the demon whipping our main characters around with the strength of a gale-force wind.) Whether this proves more effective or not, we won’t be able to tell you, unless you get us our binky.
Perfect For: People who want to inflict nightmares on themselves; fans of Blair Witch Project; and people who have a higher standard than The Human Centipede.
What the Critics Say: Good, if somewhat boilerplate. Movieline praised the execution saying: “Like the first two films, Paranormal Activity 3 makes good use of simple ploys that set up audience expectation for something—anything, really—to shatter the illusion that all is well within the protective walls of suburban domestic bliss.” And the Hollywood Reporter agreed: “The third film in the creepy (and profitable) franchise doesn't break new ground, but hews to the formula in expertly crafted fashion.”
Our Take: Only if you hold us and promise not to shout, “Boo!”
The Three Musketeers
An expensive-looking, awful-seeming movie, the film is based on the classic tale by Alexandre Dumas about the three swashbuckling fencing fighters—Athos, Porthos, and Aramis, known for their motto: “All for one, one for all.” The film features rising star Luke Evans as Aramis, Milla Jovovich as Milady DeWinter, and Orlando Bloom as their nemesis, Buckingham.
Perfect For: Action-adventure fans desperate for something to do this weekend; stranded Europeans.
What the Critics Say: They are not impressed. Writes the Hollywood Reporter: “3D swashbuckler wields a disappointingly blunt sword,” while Variety says it’s already over: “A very 2011 take on Alexandre Dumas' classic that feels weirdly dated already.”
Our Take: We prefer the animated Disney version starring Mickey, Donald and Goofy.
Johnny English Reborn
A sequel to a movie no one really remembers, the classic fish-out-of water premise makes our goofy anti-hero played by Rowan Atkinson into a sort of James Bond super spy. Except, he’s too klutzy and silly to really pull it off. Shenanigans!
Perfect For: Rowan Atkinson fans who’ve run out of older movies with him in it to watch; fans of dry, British humor.
What the Critics Say: Skip it. Entertainment Weekly gives it a C+ and says: “Fans of sophisticated humor may feel empathy with, if not sympathy for, the lead character on those many occasions he is kicked in the nuts.”
Our Take: Rent Atkinson’s charming TV series, Mr. Bean, instead.
